Yesterday I tweeted this: “Daily Reminder: take a risk even if it scares you. Your happiness is worth more than the fear you feel taking the risk itself.” Even though I’ve tweeted it to remind myself of this more positive mindset, I’m still fearful of taking risks that scare me. I’m the type of person that likes everything structured, planned out, and crystal clear. I like to see some sort of direction in where my life is headed, but lately I haven’t seen a direction. I feel like I’m stuck in the middle of an intersection where I could choose between 10 different roads.
A lot of people look forward to the weekends. Everyone celebrates “TGIF”. But to me, “TGIF” becomes “here we go again, I have work while everyone else gets to relax and enjoy themselves”. I’m not trying to throw myself a pity party – I’m just stating the facts. I get bummed out every Friday because I know I’m stuck. I know I’m going to be miserable for the next 2 days.
So, after feeling all of this and complaining about it, why am I still so hesitant to make a change? Honestly, I just don’t know. I don’t have an answer. I want to have my weekends to do exciting weekend-y things. But I’m fearful of taking a risk because what if I fail? Then what do I do? Then, I’m back to square one. Back at the bottom of the totem pole where I’m currently stuck. But then again, if I succeed, I won’t be at the bottom of the totem pole. I won’t be miserable every Friday knowing I have a miserable weekend of work ahead of me. So…I need to take a risk. My potential happiness should outweigh my current fear.
I looked back at my last blog post and saw the goals I had typed out to the blog world. I wanted to start my own health coaching services this month. I’ve done more talking than doing. I wanted to paint my room…I don’t even have paint.
But does this mean February has been a fail? Not necessarily. I still have that deep down expectation for myself to do bigger and better things. I just need to take a leap of faith. I’ve been encouraged by many friends (near and far) to get moving on this leap of faith. I even received an email this week from a friend from Bloomsburg who sees potential in me to succeed and do great things in life. Knowing that is reassuring. Knowing that is a source of encouragement for me. Knowing that is enough to get me to closer to taking that leap.
So as I stand at this figurative intersection surrounded by 10 different roads, I need to focus on one road, one direction. I need to choose the road that will take me towards happiness and away from my own self-pity. I need to choose a road with obstacles in the way so I can become a better person. I need to choose the road best for me – the road that moves me closer to my goals.